When I started my first sexual wellness business, Hot Octopuss, 15 years ago, I thought I was selling products. Quite quickly, I realised that, in reality, I was learning about people: their physiology, psychology, shame, resilience and their extraordinary capacity for pleasure and adaptation.
Over the years, I’ve spoken to thousands of men and couples. From those seeking help after surgery or illness, to those simply rediscovering intimacy later in life.
And the truth is: what I learned in the world of sex tech has enormous potential to transform how we support men after prostate cancer. I have been mulling this over for years and wanted to share some of my learnings.
1. Erections are not the whole story
When men lose erections - eg after prostate surgery, radiotherapy or hormonal treatment or simply in older age - many assume sex is over. But the body’s capacity for pleasure doesn’t disappear with tumescence.
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The penile nerves responsible for orgasm and arousal don’t only run through the erectile tissue.
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With the right stimulation (pressure, vibration, warmth, psychological engagement), men can often experience strong orgasms even without full erections.
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We’ve seen this repeatedly in customers using medically-approved vibratory devices or exploring new ways of touch and stimulation. This finding was the genesis of Medivibe in many ways.
When you show men this, it can be life-changing. When a man who has struggled to achieve an erection after surgery or injury experiences orgasm from flaccid for the first time, it can "bring back a sense of joy and dignity in life" that they believed was lost (this quote is directly from a customer)
2. Men aren’t told enough about what’s normal
After prostate surgery, men may experience:
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“Dry orgasms” (no ejaculate),
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Weaker or shorter sensations,
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Climax accompanied by a small urine leak (climacturia).
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inability to orgasm
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inability to achieve an erection
These are normal physiological outcomes, not failures. Yet many men are never told this pre-surgery, and few clinicians (except for a small and brilliant minority) check in about it post-treatment. A simple conversation about what to expect can prevent months of distress and shame.
3. Pleasure is neuroplastic
One of the most beautiful lessons from working in sex tech is how adaptable the brain is. With repetition and reassurance, new forms of touch, fantasy, vibration and muscle engagement can rebuild pathways of pleasure. In our field, we see men develop new kinds of orgasmic experience - sometimes more full-body, emotional, even spiritual - when they stop trying to “get back” to their pre-surgery body and start exploring the one they have now.
That’s the mindset shift we need to bring into prostate cancer aftercare.
4. Devices, when introduced well, can restore confidence
From a purely clinical perspective, tools like vacuum pumps, vibrators and perineal stimulators have well-documented roles in:
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Penile rehabilitation (maintaining blood flow and tissue elasticity),
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Nerve re-education (vibration helps stimulate dormant pathways), and
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Psychological confidence building (“My body can still respond”).
But success depends on how they’re introduced: When clinicians frame these as normal medical aids, not novelties, men use them. When they’re handed over without conversation, most stay in the box.
5. Intimacy is the real goal
What couples tell us, again and again, is that recovery isn’t about “getting back to intercourse.”
It’s about feeling close again, regaining the ability to relax, laugh, touch, and feel desired.
Every successful sexual-rehab story I’ve seen starts not with a pill or a pump, but with permission to try, to fail, to talk.
Bringing this into healthcare
Imagine if every prostate cancer pathway included:
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Honest pre-surgery education about erection and orgasm changes;
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Early introduction to pelvic-floor physiotherapy and sexual-rehab tools;
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Partner-inclusive sessions on intimacy;
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Clear signposting to psychosexual therapy and reputable sexual-wellness resources.
It’s not radical. It’s humane, evidence-based, and proven to improve outcomes.
As clinicians and advocates, we can integrate decades of sexual-wellness insight into medical care and, in doing so, give men back not just function, but pleasure, confidence and connection.
A final thought
After 15 years in this field, I’ve learned that sexual recovery isn’t a straight line - it’s a creative process. Bodies change. Desire changes. But pleasure is always possible.
The question is whether we, as a system, are brave enough to make it part of the prescription.